[Podcasting] GUEST LECTURE SERIES: Talk #5 with Dr. Mike Smertka on DanteTV. This session: ‘Recognition of Medical Dogma.’ Dr. Mike takes questions from the audience on a variety of medical topics. DanteTV Podcasts may be found on a number of platforms:
[E-Zine/Articles/NSFW] (Nova Scotia Funny Workers!) Recorded live before a vodka slushie filled studio audience in Halifax, Nova Scotia Canada that just wants to Ra-Ra-Ras-poutine all over the place… [*] *** [It’s Friday!] E-Zine ***  LENT MODE ACTIVATED! <@> What’s going down in DanteTV Land….. <@> Feb 27th – Blue Jays Pre-Season Opener Mar 14th – Spring Forward (Daylight Savings Begins) Mar 17th – St. Patrick’s Day Mar 20th – Ostara / Spring Equinox (0637h AM DanteTV Timezone) Apr 01st – Baseball Opening Day (ALL 30 TEAMS) Apr 02nd – Good Friday (businesses closed) Apr 04th – Easter Apr 05th – End of Academic Year! Apr 16th – Examinations Over! Apr 20th – 4/20 / ‘O Cannabis’ Day May 04th – May The Fourth Be With You! / Cuatro De Mayo! May 05th – Cinco De Mayo May 24th – Victoria Day (Canada/businesses closed) May 31st – Memorial Day (USA/businesses closed) Jun 21st – Summer Solstice (0031h AM DanteTV Timezone) (!) The Markets (!) CAD/USD – $0.79 CAD/GBP – $0.56 (-0.01) CAD/JPY – $83.36 CAD/BTC – $60,979 (up $4,133 since last week) CAD/ETH – $2,322.31 CAD/AU – $74.36 24k gram (DOWN $1.00) CAD/AG – $1.09/gram Gas – $1.15/litre (up 1.9c) Milk – $5.19/gallon Bread – $2.99/loaf Eggs – $3.99/XL dozen Big Mac – $5.69
Yo! Ok ya freaks out there, I see ya getting the shack happies and kicking it clubstyle in your virtual rooms. Trying to hide the decorations behind the couch, got everything down save that new plant holder eye ring on the wall. Shah yea, once again, ya freaks. Knocking back a 24 over 24 on all fours to the porcelain goddess while hopefully a friend is holding your hair back in tour bus [censored] positon. Crack a smile at the webcam, your ass is now coast to coast with the most hits that hour on all social networks. Sock that bitcoin away, maybe by the time you get your dignity back your e-wallet will be phat with cash that you can buy stuff to make that night look like cheerleader tryouts to the three ring cirque du freak you plan to do now.
Or wait, naw, that’s me planning for my 50 in July. GOOOOOOLLLDDDDD… (Gino Is Olllllldddd) SMDLAHMFers, hopefully king high the 6-49 before then and zoom zoom out someplace that even I couldn’t make up the shit that will happen. Better to be the freak than trying to freak these days with everyone rocking a camera. Maybe for shits and giggles, I’ll phone people directly just to make them ask what that noise their texting device is generating. Yea, sit and rotatory dial this….
Music List This Week
Peace Train………. Cat Stevens Clumsy…………… Our Lady Peace Cotton Eye Joe……. Rednex Maria……………. Blondie Love Me Like You Do.. Ellie Goulding Earned It………… The Weekend Song 2…………… Blur What’s Up?……….. 4 Non Blondes It Wasn’t Me……… Shaggy, Rik Rok Tainted Love……… Marylin Manson Baba O’Riely……… The Who
() HUMOUR! () (Not for virgin eyes…….)
The Blue Whale ejaculates over 40 gallons of Sperm when Mating. Only 10% enters the female.
And you always wondered why the sea tasted Salty?!
A man walks into a bar, late one night completely knackered and dripping with sweat and orders 5 whiskies. “What’s wrong with you?” The barman says. “In my car I’ve got a nymphomaniac – you couldn’t satisfy her if you were there ’til Christmas,” he replies. “We’ll see about that,” says the barman and goes out to the car park. He has been in the car with the woman for a while when there is a knock on the window and a policeman shines his torch in. The barman jumps up and winds down the window to talk to the policeman. “It’s all right officer, I’m just shagging the wife,” he says. “Oh, I’m sorry sir, I didn’t know it was your wife” replies the cop. The barman replies -“Neither did I ’til you shone your torch!”
Man Teases his ex-wife’s new husband: So, dude how was the second-hand stuff? New husband: Not bad. After the first 3 inches, she was brand new.
A woman starts dating a doctor. Before too long, she becomes pregnant and they don’t know what to do. About nine months later, just about the time she is going to give birth, a priest goes into the hospital for a prostate gland infection. The doctor says to the woman, “I know what we’ll do. After I’ve operated on the priest, I’ll give the baby to him and tell him it was a miracle.” “Do you think it will work?” she asks. “It’s worth a try.” he says. So, the doctor delivers the baby and then operates on the priest. After the operation he goes in to the priest and says, “Father, you’re not going to believe this.”. “What?” asks the priest, “what happened?”. “You gave birth to a child!”. “But that’s impossible!” says the priest. “I just did the operation,” insists the doctor, “it’s a miracle! Here’s your baby.” About fifteen years go by, and the priest realises he must tell his son the truth. One day, he sits the boy down and says, “Son, I have something to tell you. I’m not your father.” The son says, “What do you mean, you’re not my father?” The priest replies, “I am your mother. The archbishop is your father.” * (G) DanteTV Productions – 2021 /\/\idnight Star
Great door signs: Gynecologist: Dr Jones at your cervix. Septic tank truck: Yesterday’s meals on wheels. Plumber’s office: Wwe repair what ur husband fixed. Tire shop: Invite us to ur next blowout. Electrical shop: Let us remove ur shorts. Maternity room: Push, Push, Push.
Ed bent over to pick up the next box off the truck and laid it on the loading dock. Sun wasn’t quite up yet, the wind still had a chill to it from the night. A few stars decorated the sky still. But the ache in his arms pretty much occupied his mind. He looked into the truck at the remaining thirty or so bigger boxes, then just sat down on the dock.
Needed a minute, Ed thought. Few more months, then he’d retire. Maybe Malibu. Or someplace warm. Eh, who was he kidding? Probably just ignore the world til Christmas. Maybe longer. He looked up as a couple walked by. Plainly but nicely dressed, they looked like they had Asian features. He caught the eye of one, who gave him a nod. Then a wink. They kept on walking up the street, probably for breakfast.
Ed shook his head. He imagined the wink, had to. It was almost like they knew him. He stood up, shaking his head again then hands to loosen them up. Get distracted too easy these days Ed, he thought. Gotta stay focused on your work. Wasnt like there was a going to be a ‘flash of light’ or something that would appear out of thin air. He took the little blue egg-sized stress ball from his pocket, giving it a few pumps in each hand. Need to get my focus, Ed thought. Bang out this last batch of boxes then head over to Gregg’s Shop for a slice and a cup of coffee. Could’ve eaten breakfast first. But with all the idiots that come flying in to unload thinking they are entitled to their own special spot on the dock, just ain’t worth the aggravation. Tho watching that one guy gets into an argument with a lady over her delivery yesterday was priceless. Beat the shit out of Jerry Springer. Best guess is the guy did a bid on the delivery, parcel unseen, in a fit of rage to beat out another shipper. However, he didn’t realize what she had wasn’t a movie prop. It was full-scale, military grade. He tried to weasel his way out of it, saying he didn’t have licenses after she blew up when he tried to hit her up for money. No shit. He can still hear her words echoing all over the dock at the top of her lungs.
“But how am I going to get my field cannon home????”
Ed was just waiting to see after the guy finally left her in the lurch if she was going to load it up and blast his ass. Would’ve been funny as hell. Tho anyone asked, he didn’t see shit. But when he came in this morning, it was gone. Wonder what kind of home she had that she needed a field cannon. Or for that matter, why the hell she needed one. Ed heard a noise in the corner, a rat looked like it had been in a fight with something and was flailing in a puddle of trash. Didn’t look so good, tho no reason anything should need to suffer an end like that. Ed took out a broomstick and moved away from the trash, flipping a piece of string that had gotten tangled around the rat’s neck. There ya go, little fellow, Ed thought. The rat did a few flips on its sides before righting itself. After a minute, it ran down a dark side of the wall out of Ed’s sight.
Ed then heard the sound of a bicycle tire squeal and a young voice call to him. Shoot, he forgot. He waved at the voice and walked into the trailer, grabbing a large stack of papers. As he came out, he dropped the papers on the dock in front of a young boy, wearing a ball cap and jacket. The kid already had his swiss army knife out, cutting the string and starting to roll the papers into a bag he had.
Ed smiled. Nice to see a kid up early, trying to make some money for some sort of dooflicky thing. Wasn’t sure if it was a video game, book, or someplace the kid wanted to go to. Maybe it was a movie he meant. Ed didn’t know nor did he ask. The kid was on a schedule and he wasn’t going to mess with his mojo. Ed went back into the truck for another box and came back out, noticing a tall man standing by the lamp post watching them. He looked like a mortician. Probably some guy that had a long night partying and wound up here to sober up. Didn’t seem like a freak and the kid didn’t seem fazed. It had been a very long time since Ed saw any form of law enforcement down here. Have to think on over coffee the last time it was later.
Ed turned his back, the young voice saying something as it trailed off. Ed turned back around, watching the kid disappear on his bike. The tall man in black was gone. Heck, for that matter, Ed seemed to be the only one around. The kid had left a paper for him, one of the extras they get in case one gets damaged when they’re delivering them. He glanced over the headlines, reports of the death of Harry Stone, some great TV producer. His stars were planning a benefit in honor of him for some charity or another. Probably wanting to use it as a launching event for a new company while there was still some of Harry’s warmth in people’s minds. Or wherever they wanted it.
Ed flipped it to the back, some ads for alcohol and small news story on another death in Millville. Cub reporter, Ed thought. It was only a few lines. But it got this kid their first credit. Gotta start somewhere, Ed thought.
Ed went back into the trailer and grabbed what looked like a light box. Idiot kids liked to do it ass backward, lifting all the heavy stuff then the light. It all has to get unloaded. This way, he could have more room to shimmy the heavy stuff out. Ed had just placed one foot on the dock when the bottom of the box opened and its contents spilled out. Ed cursed, flipping the box over and tossing the contents back in before anyone saw anything. The top was still taped so he could just fake…
It was a hat that stopped him. A Totenkopf. He froze for a moment, then pulled himself together and threw it all in the box. It wasn’t his business nor his shipment. He didn’t even want to know why there was a pair of black stiletto boots in there. He got it all back in and folded the box together.
Shit, he thought. That took a lot out of him. Ed was feeling the need more and more for that coffee. Just to take the edge off, he thought. He started to go back into the trailer, then just shook his head. Naw, I gotta get the coffee. A few minutes later, Ed was still laughing after the service Gregg gave some tourist about their food. Gregg was in rare form, dousing the entire plate of pancakes in syrup. Then he set it on fire. There’s your crepes, he said. Yea. Gregg….
Ed stopped in his tracks. The trailer he was unloading was gone. All the stuff he unloaded was also gone. But that was impossible. This town was too small for theft like this. Plus any truck that could haul this thing would have made a ton of noise going past the coffee shop. Ed checked his watch and the clocks in the loading dock office. They said the same thing, he was only gone for five minutes. Absolutely no way. Ed thought he might have been finally starting to lose it when he saw the newspaper the kid had left him was still in the office. Ads for frying pans and the new Pixie camera plus the article on the Millville Deep deaths.
He went back out, jumping off the loading dock and into the yard. It was all pavement, so no tracks. Ed then noticed a woman in all black holding up a lamp post across the road from the dock. He opened the gate and started walking towards her. She took a long draw on the cigarette she was smoking.
‘Ed, we have a deal.’ she said. ‘I can do my thing until sunrise without hassle. We agreed to that.’
Ed nodded. ‘Yea, yea. Don’t care. I do care about what happened to the trailer I was unloading this morning. Did you see who took it?’
The woman took another draw on her cigarette, weighing her options as to whether or not it was worth asking for money. Before she spoke, Ed already had a $20 in his hand. Her eyes riveted to it, her top starting to open reflexively when she caught herself. Ed smiled. ‘Just the info. I already had my breakfast.’ She grabbed the $20, tho Ed didn’t let it go. ‘And what happened..’, Ed asked?
The woman took a last hit on the cigarette, then dropped it to the ground and crushed it out.
TO BE CONTINUED…
MILLVILLE DEEP MYSTERY An Acme Detective Agency Campaign
The first Chapter of the new campaign I am running under the working title ‘Rounds’ campaign.