[E-Zine/Articles/NSFW] (Nova Scotia Funny Workers!)
Recorded live before a vodka slushie filled studio audience in Halifax, Nova Scotia Canada that just wants to Ra-Ra-Ras-poutine all over the place…
[*] *** [It’s Friday!] E-Zine ***  LENT MODE ACTIVATED!
<@> What’s going down in DanteTV Land….. <@>
Feb 27th – Blue Jays Pre-Season Opener
Mar 14th – Spring Forward (Daylight Savings Begins)
Mar 17th – St. Patrick’s Day
Mar 20th – Ostara / Spring Equinox (0637h AM DanteTV Timezone)
Apr 01st – Baseball Opening Day (ALL 30 TEAMS)
Apr 02nd – Good Friday (businesses closed)
Apr 04th – Easter
Apr 05th – End of Academic Year!
Apr 16th – Examinations Over!
Apr 20th – 4/20 / ‘O Cannabis’ Day
May 04th – May The Fourth Be With You! / Cuatro De Mayo!
May 05th – Cinco De Mayo
May 24th – Victoria Day (Canada/businesses closed)
May 31st – Memorial Day (USA/businesses closed)
Jun 21st – Summer Solstice (0031h AM DanteTV Timezone)
(!) The Markets (!)
CAD/USD – $0.79
CAD/GBP – $0.56 (-0.01)
CAD/JPY – $83.36
CAD/BTC – $60,979 (up $4,133 since last week)
CAD/ETH – $2,322.31
CAD/AU – $74.36 24k gram (DOWN $1.00)
CAD/AG – $1.09/gram
Gas – $1.15/litre (up 1.9c)
Milk – $5.19/gallon
Bread – $2.99/loaf
Eggs – $3.99/XL dozen
Big Mac – $5.69
Yo! Ok ya freaks out there, I see ya getting the shack happies and kicking it clubstyle in your virtual rooms. Trying to hide the decorations behind the couch, got everything down save that new plant holder eye ring on the wall.
Shah yea, once again, ya freaks. Knocking back a 24 over 24 on all fours to the porcelain goddess while hopefully a friend is holding your hair back in tour bus [censored] positon. Crack a smile at the webcam, your ass is now
coast to coast with the most hits that hour on all social networks. Sock that bitcoin away, maybe by the time you get your dignity back your e-wallet will be phat with cash that you can buy stuff to make that night look like cheerleader tryouts to the three ring cirque du freak you plan to do now.
Or wait, naw, that’s me planning for my 50 in July. GOOOOOOLLLDDDDD… (Gino Is Olllllldddd) SMDLAHMFers, hopefully king high the 6-49 before then and zoom zoom out someplace that even I couldn’t make up the shit that will happen.
Better to be the freak than trying to freak these days with everyone rocking a camera. Maybe for shits and giggles, I’ll phone people directly just to make them ask what that noise their texting device is generating. Yea, sit and rotatory dial this….
Music List This Week
Peace Train………. Cat Stevens
Clumsy…………… Our Lady Peace
Cotton Eye Joe……. Rednex
Love Me Like You Do.. Ellie Goulding
Earned It………… The Weekend
Song 2…………… Blur
What’s Up?……….. 4 Non Blondes
It Wasn’t Me……… Shaggy, Rik Rok
Tainted Love……… Marylin Manson
Baba O’Riely……… The Who
() HUMOUR! () (Not for virgin eyes…….)
The Blue Whale ejaculates over 40 gallons of Sperm when Mating. Only 10% enters the female.
And you always wondered why the sea tasted Salty?!
A man walks into a bar, late one night completely knackered and dripping with sweat and orders 5 whiskies.
“What’s wrong with you?” The barman says.
“In my car I’ve got a nymphomaniac – you couldn’t satisfy her if you were there ’til Christmas,” he replies.
“We’ll see about that,” says the barman and goes out to the car park.
He has been in the car with the woman for a while when there is a knock on the window and a policeman shines his torch in.
The barman jumps up and winds down the window to talk to the policeman.
“It’s all right officer, I’m just shagging the wife,” he says.
“Oh, I’m sorry sir, I didn’t know it was your wife” replies the cop.
The barman replies -“Neither did I ’til you shone your torch!”
Man Teases his ex-wife’s new husband: So, dude how was the second-hand stuff?
New husband: Not bad. After the first 3 inches, she was brand new.
A woman starts dating a doctor. Before too long, she becomes pregnant and they don’t know what to do.
About nine months later, just about the time she is going to give birth, a priest goes into the hospital for a prostate gland infection.
The doctor says to the woman,
“I know what we’ll do. After I’ve operated on the priest, I’ll give the baby to him and tell him it was a miracle.”
“Do you think it will work?” she asks.
“It’s worth a try.” he says. So, the doctor delivers the baby and then operates on the priest.
After the operation he goes in to the priest and says, “Father, you’re not going to believe this.”.
“What?” asks the priest, “what happened?”.
“You gave birth to a child!”.
“But that’s impossible!” says the priest.
“I just did the operation,” insists the doctor, “it’s a miracle! Here’s your baby.”
About fifteen years go by, and the priest realises he must tell his son the truth. One day, he sits the boy down and says,
“Son, I have something to tell you. I’m not your father.” The son says,
“What do you mean, you’re not my father?” The priest replies,
“I am your mother. The archbishop is your father.”
(G) DanteTV Productions – 2021 /\/\idnight Star
Great door signs:
Gynecologist: Dr Jones at your cervix.
Septic tank truck: Yesterday’s meals on wheels.
Plumber’s office: Wwe repair what ur husband fixed.
Tire shop: Invite us to ur next blowout.
Electrical shop: Let us remove ur shorts.
Maternity room: Push, Push, Push.